My Experience with Madre Ayahuasca

A few weeks ago I spent a month or so exploring the Cusco region of Peru. A common staple of the culture there revolves around Ayahuasca DMT or simply “The Medicine” as many people call it. I had heard about Ayahuasca DMT during my first trip to Peru a few years ago. I remember having mixed thoughts. Maybe the mixture had some positive qualities? Or maybe people just used it to get trippy? None of it really mattered since I was only in Cusco for four days and certainly Machu Picchu was of higher importance. Now, nearly two years later I find myself back in Cusco. Ayahuasca being the staple that it is in the region forced its way back into my thoughts. However, this time I found myself more curious than before. After a little over six months on the road I had done my fair share of soul searching. I questioned nearly every major decision I had ever made. Approaching my 28th birthday I couldn’t help but wonder what’s next. I wasn’t necessarily unhappy but I wasn’t content either. For the first time in life I didn’t have a plan. Up until now it was very simple, finish up grade school because you had to, go to college because society told you it’s the right thing to do and finally get a good job to support your future. I did all the above, but something still felt like it was missing. Now, I find myself traveling parts of the world questioning everything I ever thought I knew. And feeling ashamed for thinking how hard my life had been at times. Finally realizing more than ever how small my first world problems had been. All the while thinking about how this trip must come to an end at some point, but what then? Go back to the same life? Work until I die? I needed to find an answer.

What is Ayahuasca DMT

I don’t want to pretend to be the expert, I’m certainly not. The simple way I understand Ayahuasca is to be a natural mixture common in the amazon and sacred valley of Peru. The mixture contains a high amount of DMT and can produce some psychedelic like impacts. The mixture is commonly used for spiritual events leads by shamans.

Why Take Part in an Ayahuasca Ceremony

There is no straight forward answer to this question. You could ask 100 different people and you would get 100 different answers. Personally, I was in search of something I felt was missing from my life. I was presented with the opportunity to take part and I felt like it may have helped me find the path that I was looking for.

Before the Ceremony

The recommendations change from source to source. Everyone generally agrees on cutting out meats (some say chicken is acceptable). No elicit drugs or alcohol. No excessive sugars, salts or fats. Refraining from sex and masturbation. All for at least one week  minimum but longer if possible. The day of, eat a light vegetarian breakfast and fast for the rest of the day (ceremonies are usually in the evening). They also encourage you to consider what you would like to get out of the experience.

What to Expect

Everyone’s experience will be unique. I will tell you about my own. I arrived at the location a few hours early to do a bit of meditation. This beautiful temple in the mountains surrounded by gorgeous statues and plants. Others arrive little by little. Everyone is very friendly and inviting. Some time passes in the garden and it is time to go inside. The shaman and other hosts have arrived. Once inside there is a small hallway leading to a circular room. All fitted with floor mats, blankets, and the buckets that will come to be our best friends. Everyone takes a seat and the shanman introduces her group. Around the room there are probably 20-25 participants from all over the world. We all settle in and listen to her introduction. She tells us the medicine is beautiful and powerful. It should always be respected. She explains that it is very common to throw up and this is all part of the process. At this time a middle aged woman raises her hand and asks if she could still take part since she recently found out she was pregnant. This seemed to break the peacefulness of the room as people looked around with mixed reactions. The shaman explains that the medicine will not harm the baby, but depending on how forcefully the woman would possibly throw up could be harmful. She opted to leave the ceremony which personally made me feel much better. After all the questions were answered, the lights were turned off. The ceremony took place in nearly complete darkness with the exception of the moonlight through the ceiling roof. The shaman and her students came around the room and burned sage. They used a massive bird’s feather to churn the smoke at each individual wiping once to each hand and forehead to cleanse the room of any negative energy. Once it was done each person came to the floor of the circle where it was time to drink the first of three possible doses of the medicine. As I approached for my turn my heart started to pound out of my chest. I was afraid, but I continued to walk forward. I took the cup and drank. Honestly, the mix tastes horrible. Instantly I felt like I would throw up. I made it back to my mat and covered myself under the blankets. Each participant continued one at a time. Now we all sat in silence. Some time passes and the throwing up starts. First to the left of the room and then the right side of the room. Minutes later I was neck deep into my own bucket. It felt horrible, but great at the same time. The musical chairs of throw up continued until we all sat in silence again. Time for the second dose, if you felt the need. I felt pretty unaffected so I went again. The same terrible taste, but my stomach was fine this time. Some more time passes and the musical instruments softly begin. As I look around the room I can tell some people are much deeper into the experience than myself. The woman to my right starts to cry uncontrollably. The woman to my left starts twist and turn like a dancer. At this point I remained pretty lucid. The shaman explained earlier that if you question whether you are under the influence of the medicine then the answer is you are not. When you are fully immersed into such an experience there will be no question about it. So I joined the few people that continued for the third dose. At this point I felt like I was in a trance controlled by the music. I could see the light from the stars bouncing around in the sky. But, still I would snap out of it and be trapped with my thoughts. I wondered what I was doing here. I was still questioning the experience. It never did take hold of me in the way I thought it would. I imaged going to this higher level of thought. I imaged being able to question my psyche and finding answers to these burning questions I had. At one point I remember feeling very sad and wondering why my experience seemed so different than what I expected. I remember silently begging Madre Ayahuasca (as the shaman referred to it) to visit me. I begged for some guidance in where I should be heading in life. Nothing ever came to me and after some hours it was over. The shaman came back around the room to each individual and closed the ceremony. Following the closing people were invited to the center of the floor where they could share some provided fruits.

Shortly Afterwards

Candles were being lit and people started to congregate. Some people sat and chatted. The girl to my right still crying was now being consoled by another as they both held each other. The middle aged Asian woman sat in the middle of the circle and continued to dance. Others went outside for some air. I sat and wondered how my experience could be so different than what it appeared others had experienced. I continued outside and spoke with an Australian that had been volunteering at the temple for some weeks now. I asked her how did the night go for her. She said this session had been incredibly intense. She asked about mine and I told her that I didn’t know what happened but the experience never took hold of me. She smiled and said this must have been your first time. Her first experience was nearly identical to my own. And her second she got really sick. Something told her to continue and her third session is where things began to change for her. She explained that the medicine is both mental and physical. The difference is that she believes you have the power to block the mental. She told me that she was afraid and never let herself surrender to the medicine the first times. She claimed that you must be able to trust and be mentally willing to surrender to the medicine’s impact. Also she talked about how people come into their first sessions with many expectation. She laughed at how people think they will come and have a magic fairy show them the meaning of life. She claims it’s nothing like that but you’ll need to surrender yourself before you’ll have a true experience. Now talking with an American girl she says she just felt as though she was high out of her mind. She didn’t seem to take much from the night. She left saying she would stick to her usual meditations. Lastly I spoke with an another American having his first experience. I could see in his eyes that this was life changing for him. He told me how he went into this alternative state of being. He said his mind talked to him in tongues. He said he felt loved and protected by something in the room. Needless to say, his experience was completely on the other side of the spectrum from my own. At this point it doesn’t bother me anymore. Maybe I wasn’t ready for such an experience or maybe I was being protected from something. I really do not know.

After Thoughts

I am grateful for the experience even if it was far from what I expected. Maybe those expectations are what lead to the initial disappointment. My best advice for anyone considering a session is to go in with an open mind. Don’t expect the magic fairy to reveal life’s secrets to you. In hindsight I also think one of the most important things is to meet your shaman prior to the day. Considering that this person is supposed to lead you into a mentally and physically spiritual event I think it would be great to see if you guys click. None of us like to admit it but human beings are judgmental. From the second you lay eyes on someone you start to develop thoughts. This is no different, there will be some shamans that you have a great feel for and others that just seem off to you. You need to find one that you’d be comfortable with in this situation.

*One Month Later

Now in Northern Peru I had some time to swap Ayahuasca stories with a friend. He told me how he had the same non eventful experience as myself. Following that he spent some time volunteering with a practicing shaman. This experience was very different than either of our initial ones. The shaman explained that Ayahuasca is a gift from the Earth and henced the true powers of the medicine are purest when gifted to an individual. Unlike our first experiences which both were paid. This man took my friend out and they gathered everything they needed to prepare the mixture. Not from stores but from the Earth. The session proceeded when everything was ready. I’m told that the experience was intense. He told me that he left feeling clean and with a very clear mind. Things that troubled him no longer troubled. He didn’t claim to have found direct answers to these troubles but somehow knew that everything would be okay. Needless to say, I was impressed. I wish I had the same experience. He told me how the shaman told him that Ayahuasca isn’t like a drug or alcohol where you can just keep consuming more until it “works”. He claims that the opportunity will present itself to you when you need it most. He warns against going in search of sessions. To the shaman the medicine has a spirit of its own and will find your spirit when the time is right.

I hope this bit has given you some insight if you’re curious about Ayahuasca. No matter what route you decide to take, there is no right answer. Just always remember to respect the medicine.

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